


Dean and the Hardware Store

by PessoasLily



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, M/M, Serial Killer Dean Winchester, Serial Killer Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 00:18:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PessoasLily/pseuds/PessoasLily
Summary: Nothing makes Dean happier than a trip to the hardware store to prepare for a murder. Little brother Sam is just along for the ride.





	Dean and the Hardware Store

Dean Winchester liked hardware stores. He knows it’s cliche; a serial killer lusting after power tools and solvents, but he just can’t help himself. He loves the sawdust and metallic smells, the way cut wood is stacked in neat piles, all lined up like eager victims waiting to be refashioned into something new and beautiful. Rows upon rows of hammers, nails, hacksaws and screws waiting to work their way into a new MO. If he’s honest with himself, he’s a little bit in love with them.

His brother Sam thinks it’s funny. Every time Dean finds a new project - a shop clerk, lawyer, pool boy, etc. - Sam says Dean gets this look in his eye, like he knows whoever Dean has lined up on deck to kill will result in them spending endless hours browsing the aisles of Lowes and Home Depot. There was a mom and pop hardware store in south Boston once that Dean liked so much he let the owner’s son live, even though he cut him off in traffic. The only reason why he knew about the store was they’d followed the rude man to work.

Sam thinks they have John to thank for their love of hardware stores and killing. The man became obsessed with the idea that a demon had killed his wife even though a fire investigator found the cause of the blaze came from faulty wiring John had insisted he do himself. Dean supposes it’s easier to blame a mythical monster than take responsibility for baking your wife like a pot roast. There are some people who shouldn’t try doing home improvements. It’s just a fact.

They have a code of sorts; only kill those who deserve it. Some might argue their definition of just desserts is unfairly broad but Sam says they’re doing the world a favor by removing people who are too socially illiterate to know talking on your cell phone while waiting in line for coffee inconveniences other people. He doesn’t imagine a judge would see what they do as a social service but then judges let criminals go free all the time. What do they know.

Dean thinks Sam is pretty patient with his hardware store obsession. The first time he noticed Dean getting aroused, he dragged Dean to the bathroom and sucked his cock in one of the stalls. Dean still remembers the way Sam’s hair felt as he gripped it tight and thrust in and out of his warm wet mouth. He was staring at a mirror that was improperly installed, one side hanging just south of the other. Who doesn’t know to use a level?

After Dean returned the favor of a blow job, they asked the store manager what contractor they used to finish the bathrooms, and later tracked the man down and used a nail gun to crucify him to a teak cross Sam had fashioned out of spare lumber. They made sure to instruct him on the proper use of a level, ensuring that his arms and legs were evenly splayed on their makeshift crucifix. It was quite the masterpiece. But, as is their rule, they had to take it down and bury the man under 6 feet of concrete on a property he was working on. The home owners thought the man had taken their money and run. Sam and Dean thought they’d done them a favor.

The worst part about shopping at retail hardware stores is there’s no one around if you have a question. Dean can’t count the times he’s wandered aisle to aisle looking for anyone wearing a blue or orange smock. Then, when he does find someone, they usually have no idea what they’re talking about. I mean, how hard is it to know the best nail gun gauge to use when applying sheetrock? Or, in Dean’s case, constructing a maze of barbed wire and broken glass, ending with a sudden drop into a vat of wet cement? These kinds of projects take time and you don’t want to be hampered down by a faulty tool or unintentionally loose floor board.

Sam says Dean gets a little obsessed and Dean thinks Sam should look in the mirror. When Sam got a B- on a chemistry final at Stanford, he concocted an elaborate explosive that was set off by clicker on the teacher’s favorite pen. Sam said it was the pen used to mark down his grade and Dean felt pretty good about helping Sam come up with a moving eulogy for the man’s funeral. Sam was his favorite student, after all.

On nights when they stake out a new victim, Dean likes to take out his Stanley thermos and pour himself a refreshing cup of coffee. The travel mug came from the work site of a man who pushed Sam out of his way when his was selecting his weekly vegetables. Sam took the man’s flashlight and uses it to work on homework. Sometimes they get bored waiting and makeout on the backseat, the smell of leather and Armor All as intoxicating as blood and death.

So yeah, Dean’s got a thing for hardware stores, though automotive shops come in a close second. Do you know how much damage you can do with an air compressor? Or how much fun you can have with a hydraulic lift? Just thinking about it gave him goosebumps.

“You almost ready to go,” Sam asked, interrupting his daydream.

“Yeah. You get the banker in the trunk?”

“All trussed up and ready to party. I want to remove the feet this time. You gotta do it last time,” he replied with a pout.

“Alrighty then. His feet are yours. But no trophies. I don't want you to start collecting toes like your rock collection.”

“I was 8 years old, Dean. And rocks are cool.”

“Whatever, bitch. No toes.”

The clerk who was ringing them up chuckled at their little exchange.

Dean raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Something funny, miss?”

“It's just you contractors and serial killer jokes. At least once a day I hear about ways they're going to use their purchases to commit a murder. It's kind of cute.”

Dean's grin was blinding. “Ya hear that, Sammy? She thinks we're cute.”

Sam guffawed and accepted the change and receipt. “You can't tell anyone our plans, though. It's top secret contractor stuff.”

She grinned and made the cross my heart motion. “Your serial killer deeds are safe with me. You gentlemen have a nice day.”

“You too, miss,” Dean said and grabbed the bags.

As they were nearing the Impala, Dean stopped and turned toward the store.

“Goddamn I love hardware stores.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was doing home rennovations. I can't tell you how much I laughed when I found it today.


End file.
